100句雷死人的英语翻译(2)
上帝一定倍儿爱SB，不然他造这么多!!!!!!!
51、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
瞅见个姐姐，胸前衣服上写着“Guess”…俺就问了一句：“…隆过?”
52、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
孩子就是：你先花2年，教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
53、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑，却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?
54、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
上帝瞅着咱们呢，大伙好歹喜感点吧!
55、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
无论，在任何情况下，永远，不要在一个夜晚，同时吃，安眠药，和通便灵。
56、Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
直译：不要用眼镜腿来打男人，用棒球击杆。
意译: 要下手就得狠，甭来毛毛雨。
57、There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
直译：要想留住谁，在抱摔的时候有一条细线区分出你是否为高手。
其他译法：抱摔是留不住女人的，搂抱才管用。/抱和爆是有区别的。 /推倒和拥抱是有微妙的区别的哟!/拥抱和柔道里的压制是有区别的!
58、A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.
所谓砍价，就是这东西虽然你不需要，但价格太好必须要买下来!
59、Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
绝对不要和长得丑的争执，他们已经没什么可输的了。
60、My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
我的观点或许改变了，但我是正确的这一事实却亘古不变。
意译：我们要搞共产主义，也要搞有中国特色的社会主义。
61、My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
心理医师：你神经病!!! 我：能说点别的吗?
心理医师：好!!而且你真TM丑!!!
62、 A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
一单纯傻儿子问他爹：“爸，结婚到底要花多少钱啊?”他爸说：“儿啊，我真不知道…没看见我还在交钱吗?”
63、 Some people say “If you can’t beat them, join them”. I say “If you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
有人说“打不过，就合作”。我说“打不过，也要打”。因为丫们指望你加入，得来点惊喜~!
64、When in doubt, mumble.
脑子不好使的话，你就嘟囔。
不明白的话，哼哼试试。
65、I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
我已决定长生不老，目前为止，感觉良好。
66、Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were
好客就是：让客人觉得他们像在他们家一样，尽管你真的希望他们滚回他们家。
67、If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you!
跳伞是这样一种运动：不成功则成仁!
68、A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
电视侮辱你的智商，电脑则是吐你槽的终极存在!
69、Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
知识就是力量，力量会邪恶化。那么就好好学习当大魔王吧!
70、Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
钱买不来幸福，但有了它，痛苦的日子会好熬一点。
71、Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
跟悲观主义者借钱吧!他反正不指望你还!!!
72、Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
担忧真的好使!!老子担心的事儿90%都没发生!!
73、Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.
贞操如泡影，一戳无踪影。
74、Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
这年头，连怀旧都不如从前够味儿了。
75、With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
只要主义真，猪也成超人。
信春哥 ，得永生
76、I should’ve known it wasn’t going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I’m a Libra and she’s a bitch.
我早就该知道我跟我EX没戏!归根结底，我是天枰她是JP!
77、Hallmark Card: “I’m so miserable without you, it’s almost like you’re still here.”
豪马克卡上的话：没有你我痛苦万分，正如你就在此处。(没有女人冷冷清清，有了女人鸡犬不宁)
78、You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
越活越2~ /活到老,2到老
79、A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
直译：外交家们说让你下地狱的时候，措辞也好像你正巴不得来这么趟旅行。
80、 I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You’ll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I said, “Well, you won’t be able to get into the corners very well.”
我和个壮汉闹急了。 他：老子非得用你丫脸把地给擦了!!! 我：你会后悔的!! 他：噢?真哒?怎么讲?我：呃，边边角角的地方你擦不到!!!
81、Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
有些人吹牛说丫能通灵，有些人吹牛说丫有阴阳眼，其他人只是没有这种想象力而已
82、I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
啊我好爱好爱工作啊~ 工作让我好着迷啊~我**死盯着它几个小时了啊!
83、We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
枪支管理不是问题，SB管理才是问题
84、Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
女人或许击得并不重，但她们击得更低…..
女人总是能击中男人的要害。
85、Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
直译：记着吧……世界要不恶心，我们早被吐掉了。
别抱怨了，这个世界要是真和谐了，我们这种人就不应该存在~
意译：你们**给我记住：没有和谐社会，你们早让美帝国主义给糟蹋了!
86、Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
上帝蜀黍疼你，只是大家都觉得你2B而已
87、I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
a. 过去老子左右为难。现在老子优柔寡断。
b. 我曾是个怀疑论者，现在我很怀疑这一点。
c. 过去我难以决断，现在我不大确信是否还是如此。
88、I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.
老子打死都不信流血5天还不挂的物种。/老子打死都不信娘们儿。
89、If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
直译：如果你始终脚踏实地，那就别想穿裤子了。
意译：人太老实没法活。
90、To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
别人是指哪儿打哪儿，我是打哪儿指哪儿。
91、 You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket… I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.
好吧，既然这艘船要沉了，救生衣又只有一件，我就勉为其难的虚伪一下，你对我来说实在是不能再好的朋友了…我一定会经常想念你滴~!!!
92、Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
站在车库的你并不会变成一辆车是吧?所以站在教堂的你也不会变成
_
93、Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
世界总是在变，但我却怎么也便不出来。
意译：人生何处不杯具，唯有面对饮水机。
94、If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
假设我们会吃一堑，长一智，为什么总有人生了一个还会生?
95、A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
公车总在被追赶的时候的速度要比你在里面时的速度快两倍。
一旦你在公车后面追，它的速度就会变得比你在里面所感觉得快。
96、Whoever coined the phrase “Quiet as a mouse” has never stepped on one.
发明“鼠动无声”这词儿的哥们一定没踩上过一只。
97、You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
过了河也别拆桥，没准你还要回来呢。
98、The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in the taste.
口腔体温计和菊花体温计有啥不同?尝尝看就知道了
99、When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
以暴治暴，不如以抱治爆。
100、Remember, if you smoke after sex you’re doing it too fast.
直译：记着，如果你在嘿咻后冒烟了，证明你整得太快了。