英语搞笑冷笑话6篇
下面是学习啦小编整理的英语搞笑冷笑话，欢迎大家阅读!
英语搞笑冷笑话：DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU?
One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and said to him, You got all your homework right this time, Tim. What happened? Did your father help you?
No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all myself, said Tim.
你爸爸帮你了吗?
一天，蒂姆的数学老师看了他的作业，发现他全做对了。老师很高兴，同时也十分惊讶。他把蒂姆叫到桌前说：蒂姆，你这次的作业全都做对了，怎么回事?你爸爸帮你做了吗? 不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。
英语搞笑冷笑话：
I had a schoolmate who had come into school at an age later than usual，and could hardly read.There was a book used by the leaners in reading calledDialogues between a Missionary and an Indian.It was a poor performance，full of inconclusive arguments and other commonplaces.The boy in question used to appear with this book in his hand in the middle of the school，the master standing behind him.
The lesson was to begin.The poor fellow，whose great fault lay in a deep toned drawl of his syllable and the omission of his stops，stood half looking at the book，and half casting his eye towards the right of him， whence the blows were to proceed.The master looked over him，and his hand was ready.I am not exact in my quotation at this distance of time ;but the spirit of one of the passages that I recollect was to the following purport，and thus did the teacher and his pupil proceed：
Master.Now，young man，have a care ;or I'll set you a swingeing task.(A common phrase of his.)
Pupil(making a sort of heavy bolt at his calamity，and neverremembering his stop at the wordMissionary).Missionary Can you see the wind?
(Master gives him a aslap on thehcheek.)
Pupil(raising his voice to a cry，and still forgetting his stop).Indian No!
Master.Zounds，young man!have a care how you provoke me!
Pupil(always forgetting the stop).Missionary How then do you know that there is such a thing?
(Here a terrible thump.)
Pupil(with a shout of agony). Indian Because I feel it.
当年我有个同学，入学比常规的年龄要迟，而且几乎完全不会读书。那时有个学生用的阅读课本，叫做《传教士和印第安人的对话》。课本不怎么样，尽是不得要领的论说和一些老生常谈。那孩子常常手拿该课本出现在学校中央，身后站着教师。
授课即将开始。那可怜的学生的毛病在于他读音节时语调深沉地拖长腔并略去应有的停顿。他站立着，三心二意地看着书，一面向身子右边瞄去，因为打击将会来自那个方向。教师盯视着他，手已摆出了打人的架势。因为时隔已久，我的引述可能不很确切，但就我所忆，先生和学生的一次对话的要旨大致如下：
老师：年轻人，小心点;要不我可要让你狠狠吃点苦头。(这是他的口头禅。)
学生：(大难临头，身体猛然一摇闪，根本记不得在传教士一词后应该停顿。)传教士你能看见风吗?
(教师扇了他一耳光。)
学生：(提高了嗓音，几乎是在哭喊，但仍不记得要停顿)印第安人不能啊!
教师：该死!年轻人，小心点别惹我发火!
学生：(一如既往漏掉停顿)传教士那你怎么知道有这样一种东西呢?
(这时来了重重一击。)
学生：(痛苦地叫喊)印第安人因为我感觉到了。
英语搞笑冷笑话：
Mr.Green went to Germany，because he had some work there.He came back last Monday，and his young wife met him at the airport.They walked to their car and passed a tall，pretty air hostess.Mr.Green said to her，Goodbye，Miss Harris， and the air hostess smiled and saidGoodbye too.
Mrs.Green stopped and looked at the air hostess.Then she said to her husband，How did you know her name?
That was easy，answered Mr.Green.The names of the captain and all the crew were on a piece of paper in front of our sests.
What was the name of the captain?Mrs.Green asked with a smile.
Mr.Green laughed and answered，I don't remember any of the other names.
格林去了德国，因为他在那里有些工作要做。他上星期一回国，他年轻的妻子到机场去接他。他们向他们的汽车走去，遇见了一位高挑、漂亮的空中小姐。格林先生对她说：再见，哈里斯小姐。那位空中小姐莞尔一笑，也说了声再见。
格林夫人停下来，看看那位空中小姐，然后她问她丈夫：你怎么知道她的名字?
这很容易，格林先生回答。机长和机组全体人员的名单都写在我们座位前的一张纸上。
那机长叫什么名字?格林夫人笑着问。
格林先生笑着答道：我不记得其他任何人的名字。
英语搞笑冷笑话：
Uncle Silas had lighted his pipe for a comfortable smoke, when Aunt Rebecca looked up from her knitting and said: Silas, do you know that Sunday next will be the thirtieth anniversary of our wedding?
I swan，said Silas，is that so，and what about it?
拍卖会上 At Auction Fair
At auction spot, someone has lost a bag, in which has the vital document.
The owner says, "Once who picked it up brings it to me, I will take out 200 dollars to remunerate reward him or her."
On hearing the news, another chap(小伙子，家伙) shouts out:" I reward 300 dollars."
拍卖会上，有人的包丢了，里面装有重要文件。物主说：“有谁拣到送还，我将拿出200美元以表酬谢。”
话刚出口，就听有人喊：“我出300美元。”
英语搞笑冷笑话：The Doctor Knows Better
A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."
"I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor.
Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."
"Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"
一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院。他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说：“我想他伤得很厉害。”
医生说：“恐怕他已经死了。”
听到医生的话，这个男人转动着头说：“我没死，我还活着。”
妻子说：“安静，医生比你懂得多。”
英语搞笑冷笑话：I Don't Need to Steal Any More
The owner of a large department store went over hisbooks and discovered that his most trusted employee had stolenover a million dollars from the firm.“I want no scandal，” saidthe owner.“I'll just fire you.” The employee replied，“True，I robbed your firm of quitea tidy sum. I now have yachts， a country mansion， jewelry，and every luxury you can think of. I don't need a thing， sowhy hire somebody else and have him start from scratch?”
一家大百货店的老板在查帐中发现，他最信任的雇员从公司偷走了一百多万美元。“我不要丑闻。”老板说。“我只要开除你。”那个雇员回答说：“不错，我是偷了你公司相当一大笔钱。现在我有游艇、一座乡村别墅、珠宝，以及你能想到的一切 奢侈品。我什么都不需要了，你为什么要再雇个人来，让他从头做起呢?”
英语搞笑冷笑话：
Oh，nothing，said Aunt Rebecca，only thought may be we ought to kill them two Rhode Island Red chickens.
But，Rebecca，said Uncle Silas，how can you blame them two Rhode Island Red chickens for what happened thirty years ago?
赛拉斯大叔点燃了烟斗想好好吸一口，丽贝卡大妈织着毛衣抬眼说：赛拉斯，你知不知道下星期日是我们结婚三十周年?
老天哪，赛拉斯说，是吗?那又怎么样?
噢，没什么，丽贝卡大妈应道，我只是想，也许我们该把那两只罗得岛红鸡宰了。
可是，丽贝卡，赛拉斯大叔说，你怎么能够把三十年前发生的事怪到那两只罗得岛红鸡的头上呢?