双语阅读：男人不该结婚的十大理由(2)

　　7.除了一纸婚书，婚姻再无意义

　　Remember when you first decided – or someone decided for you in terms resembling an "offeryou couldn't refuse" – that it was time to get married? Remember all of the paper work youhad to fill out? Blood tests, marriage license, all sorts of other forms and miscellaneous legalformalities – it's only the tip of the iceberg, friend. Indeed, there is much, much more to come.

　　还记得什么时候自己第一次觉得该嫁娶妻了吗?还记得哪天别人开始义正言辞得说"你该成家了"吗? 还记得你曾填过的各式文件吗?血液检查、结婚证、各类表格和繁杂法律手续—-这只不过是冰山一角罢了。要知道你(如果结婚)要面对的，远不止这些。

　　When it's time to fill out all the forms for your newly opened joint bank account, you'll besigning your life – and an inevitably large chunk of your future finances – drearily away. Whenit's time to fill out all the paper work for your shared health insurance, you'll be sighing awayas more precious hours of your life pass by. And there's more, much more, to come.

　　当你填写新开的联合银行账户表格时，你的生活—未来的大笔财富也同时消失在你的笔尖下。当你签下共享健康保险时，你将感叹美好时光一去不复返。还有太多太多即将发生。

　　When you really stop to take a good hard look at it all – and we imagine you're doing so now asyou read this – you'll realize that the state of being married is essentially a large, formallylegal, fiction. Does being married solve all of your intense personal issues, or does it merelycreate new and less immediately solvable problems?

　　若你停下来认真审视这一切—设想你现在应该已经这样做了—你会意识到婚姻其实不过是部长篇(合法的)虚幻小说而已。结婚真能解决所有紧张的人际关系吗?还是，它仅仅是制造了新的、不需要马上解决的问题罢了?

　　Does the fact that the two of you have cosigned a marriage license really make you that muchmore in love with, and committed to, each other? Whose idea was it to sign this paper,anyhow? Yours? Your spouses? Her parents? Was it peer pressure from your friends or yourchurch? This is a question worth inquiring into.

　　结婚证真的能够让你们更爱对方或者更忠于对方吗?到底是谁让你们决定领证?你?你老婆?她的父母?你的朋友或教会?这真是个值得探究的问题。

　　6.Marriage Means Sticking To The Plan – No More Spontaneity

　　6.婚姻跟着计划走——再无激情

　　Do you enjoy going crazy on the weekend? Driving up to Brooklyn on a whim and partying withyour best friend's brother's cousin's uncle's boss' nephew at a new Italian themed night clubthat just opened up? If so, plan on never doing so again. You've got a wife to come home to,paper work to fill out, dinner to eat, dishes to clean, television shows to watch, and a full nightof doing exactly what you did the previous four nights to look forward to. Sounds great, huh?It's your life when you're married, partner.

　　你喜欢周末狂欢吗?比如一时兴起直接开车去布鲁克林，在一家新开的意大利主题夜总会和你好朋友的兄弟的表弟的叔叔的老板的侄子开派对?如果你喜欢这样，那就做好与此绝别的打算。你有老婆，得回;你有工作，得做;你有晚饭，得吃;你有盘子，得刷;你有节目，得看;你有一个与前四天如出一辙的夜晚，来期盼。听上去不错是吧?这就是你的婚后生活了，伙计。

　　Sure, you'll hear about married couples who manage to keep the "spontaneity" alive in theirmarriage. These are Fortune 500 execs and hotel heiresses who can afford to fly (frequentlyseparately) to any breezy location in the world that they please. The rest of us don't have it sogood. Spontaneity is a dead letter in a middle class marriage. What truly prevails is routine,and the desperate need to play things safely so as not to introduce some new and terrifyingpretense for misunderstanding and resultant bickering.

　　当然，你会听说有些已婚夫妇在婚后依旧充满"激情"。世界五百强的老板们或者酒店继承者们完全可以如其所愿地(经常是兵分两路地)飞到世界上任何一个如沐春风的地方，而我们却不能。所谓激情对中产阶级夫妇来说一纸空文，实际上一切仍按照既有路线发生着，即便分开玩也要玩得小心翼翼，避免出现新情况，还要谨慎伪装自己，以免引起误会最终导致争吵。

　　If you have children, you can count on the drudgery to become even worse. You can't have ababysitter in every night if you expect to actually get to know your children. And, for obviousreasons, you can't be partying on the other side of town when they are going through theirfirst few pivotal life events. While witnessing these events is certainly a rewarding experience,the monotony that surrounds them may prove unendurable.

　　如果家中有孩子，那就视自己如苦工并接受更悲惨的生活吧。你要是想真正了解自己的孩子，就不能天天晚上请保姆。而另个显而易见的理由，你不能因为在城市的另一头开派对而错过孩子生命中至关重要的第一次。纵然看着孩子的这些第一次弥足珍贵，但围绕在周身的枯燥恐怕依旧难以忍耐。

　　5.Marriage Is Constant "Compromise" (MeaningYou Lose, No Matter What)

　　5.婚姻就是无休止的妥协--你输了，你输了，还是你输了

　　One of the things that your father or fatherconfessor will continually attempt to drill into yourhead before you take the plunge is that marriageessentially consists of an endless series ofcompromises. Now, this is where your recollectionof the earliest events of your childhood ought to kickin. To wit, do you remember the various argumentsand disagreements that your mother and fatherengaged in while you were living under their roof? Who won the majority of those arguments?

　　结婚之前，你的父亲或者神父绝对会做的事情之一，就是试图源源不断地向你的脑袋里灌输一个概念：婚姻实际上包含着无穷无尽的妥协。那么现下就到了找寻你童年回忆的时候。比如说，曾与父母同住一个屋檐下的你是否记得他们的各种争吵?多数情况是谁吵赢了?

　　Sure, your Dad could always lead off strong with the "I'm the bread winner" charge. But wasn'tyour Mom quick to counter with "Who does the shopping, the clothes folding, the nose wipingfor the four year old, etc.?" When all else fails, she fought dirty: Cue up the old reliable waterworks! Your Dad really never had a chance.

　　没错，老爸一般会理直气壮地搬出"钱是我挣来的"这个理由，但老妈是不是瞬间列举出"娃四岁的时候谁给娃买东西、谁给娃叠衣服、谁给娃擦鼻涕……"?当一切理由都无济于事时，老妈就出损招：让老爸难享性福!如此一来老爸就真心无计可施了。

　　Yes, he could stage a "down tools" protest for a couple of hours by heading over to hisbrother's house to drink a few beers and commiserate in the garage. But, sooner or later, he'dbe back, doing exactly what he didn't want to be doing, with the person that he would leastenjoy doing it with. Some compromise, eh, Sharky?

　　老爸的确是会以"罢工"抵抗上那么几个小时，去他弟兄的家里喝上点啤酒，在车库凑合一段时间，但过不了多久他就回来了，仍旧做他不想做的事，还是和他不愿意一起的人一起。一种妥协，对吧，老兄?

　　Of course, here and there, you'll win a few small victories. You'll get to keep a few of your oldhigh school yearbooks or a few Kiss concert T-shirts that you've almost, but not quite,outgrown. The rest of this compromise business is her domain, which she permits you to livein –pro tempore.

　　当然了，你多多少少还是能赢得点儿胜利，比如说可以留着旧时高中时期的年鉴或者仅有的几件有唇印的演唱会T恤，仅此而已，不能再多了，剩下的全部是她的领域，还是在她的同意下暂时留给你一，席，之，地。

　　4.Did You Enjoy The Premarital Sex? Good, Because Post Marriage Sex Is A Myth, MuchLike Nessie And Bigfoot

　　4.你曾享受过婚前性生活吗?那就好，因为婚后性生活就是个传说，就像尼斯湖水怪和大脚怪一样

　　Remember all the sweet good times you and your Significant Other had in the sack before youtied the knot? Let's hope they were good enough – and plentiful – enough to last you a lifetime. As it turns out, you'll need those sweet memories to see you through a long, intercoursefree desert of married life, which -need we remind you? – is currently scheduled to last untildeath do you part.

　　还记得在踏入婚姻的坟墓前，你跟另一半度过的那段抵死缠绵的时光吗?希望这段时光足够美好、足够丰富，能够让你终生难忘。因为事实证明，你可能需要用这段甜蜜的回忆来填补婚后长期欲求不满造成的精神与肉体的双重空虚。还有什么需要提醒你的呢?嗯——那就是从现在开始，好好计划在有生之年怎么维持你的婚姻吧。

　　The fact of the matter, in case you haven't guessed, is that sexual intercourse decreasessharply after marriage. There's a million logical (and perfectly joyless) reasons why this is so.To begin with, if children are the immediate sequel of your first few weeks of honeymoon sex,you can just imagine how strong your wife's aversion to further potential "accidents" mightbecome.

　　你完全意想不到的是，婚后的"性福"指数会急剧下降，并且会有无数个正当(完全扯蛋)的理由来破坏你的性生活。首先，你只需想象一下妻子为了这个"潜在的小意外"会做出多大的改变，你就知道在新婚的蜜月期立刻造出一个小人的假设是多么的愚蠢。

　　If children are indeed involved in your life, you can likewise imagine how sharp of a toll thatlooking after the little bundles of joy will take on your potential allotment of sack whoopie time.

　　如果你们确实孕育出了一个小生命，你就可以想象一下要分配出无限多的时间来照顾小孩是件多么坑爹的事情!

　　There will come a stressful, intercourse free, period during which your little toddler(s) will wantto sleep with Mommy and Daddy so as to avoid the monster in the closet. There will come atime when Mommy will simply be so worn out after a stressful day at the office that she will befast asleep in the bed by the time you've finished brushing your teeth. Prepare for the comingdrought.

　　当孩子还处于为了躲避衣橱里的怪物吵着要跟爸妈睡的年龄段时，你就甭想有和谐的性生活了。当孩子他妈因为高压高强度的工作而累得沾枕即睡时，你也只能洗洗睡了。所以，准备好面对婚后性生活的"旱季"吧。