幽默爆笑英文笑话大全
冷笑话是近几年才出现的新兴语言现象，它以网络为主要的传播方式。它是幽默的一种特殊的表现形式，主要流传于网页，微博，贴吧等。它与传统的笑话不同，有其独特的产生和理解方式。小编精心收集了幽默爆笑英文笑话，供大家欣赏学习!
幽默爆笑英文笑话：How much English can you speak?
"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."
The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"
The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"
"法官先生，我的当事人被指控偷窃，这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约，几乎不认路。而且，他只会说几个英语单词。"
法官看了看被告，问道："你会说多少英文?"
被告抬起头，说："把你的钱包给我!"
幽默爆笑英文笑话：Beautiful Hat 漂亮的帽子
Mr Jones had a few day's holiday, so he said, "I am going to go to the mountains by train."
He put on his best clothes, took a small bag, went to the station and got into the train. He had beautiful hat, and he often put his head out of the window during the trip and looked at the mountains. But the wind pulled his hat off.
Mr Jones quickly took his old bag and threw that out of the window too. The other people in thecarriage laughed. "Is your bag going to bring your beautiful hat back?" they asked.
"No," Mr Jones answered, "but there's no name and no address in my hat, and there's name and an address on the bag. Someone's going to find both of them near each other, and he's going to send me the bag and the hat."
琼斯先生有几天假期，于是他说：“我要乘火车山区度假。”
他穿上最好的衣服，拿了一个手提包，到了火车站上了车。他戴了一顶漂亮的帽子。在旅途中不时地把头伸向车窗外观看山中的风景，结果他的帽子被风吹跑了。
琼斯先生立即拿起自己的拎包，把它也扔到了窗外。车厢里的乘客都笑了，他们问琼斯先生：“难道拎包会把你漂亮的帽子找回来吗?”
“不会。”琼斯先生说，“但是，我的帽子上面没有姓名也没有地址，可我的包上却又有姓名又有地址。有人会在不远的地方发现这两样东西，然后他会把帽子连同帽子一起寄给我的。”
幽默爆笑英文笑话：It is an Oak Tree 这是一棵橡树
One summer, two men, who had come to the country for their holidays.
They were walking in an orchard. They saw that all the trees were bending under a heavy load of apples. Except one tree on which there were no apples at all.
A small country boy was sitting nearby. They called to him. "Come here, boy. Here's a six pence for you. Do you know why there are no apples on that tree?"
"Of course I do, sir, because it is an oak tree," answered the boy.
一年夏天，有两个人来到乡下度假。
他们漫步走进果园，只见果实累累，结满了苹果，英语小故事那些树都被压弯了腰，而又一棵树上一个苹果也没有。
旁边地上坐着一个乡下小男孩。他们大声向他问道：“孩子，过来，给你六便士，你知道为什么这棵树上没有苹果吗?”
那男孩回答说：“当然知道，先生，因为这是一棵橡树。”
幽默爆笑英文笑话：A forgetful man
Man: Doctor, I'm getting very forgetful. Doctor: I see, Mr. Brown. Won't you take a chair? Man: Thanks, take a what? Doctor: A chair. Now, when did you first notice this trouble? Man: What trouble?
幽默爆笑英文笑话：The Umbrella 雨伞
A gentleman staying in a hotel left his umbrella in the hall, but he had put on the handle a card on which was written: "This umbrella belongs to a gentleman who can lift up a hundred pounds. I shall be back in ten minutes." When he came back, he found, instead of his umbrella, another card on which was written,"This card belongs to a man who can run ten miles an hour. I shall not come back."
一位住在旅馆的绅士把他的雨伞放在了大厅里，不过他在伞柄上系了一张卡片，上面写道，“此伞属于一位能举百磅的绅士。我将在十分钟内回来。”当他回来时，发现雨伞已经不翼而飞，取而代之的是另一张卡片，上面写着：“此卡是一位一小时能跑十英里的人留下的，我将永远不回来了。”
幽默爆笑英文笑话：Monkey Business 带它去动物园
A policeman took a monkey to his boss. The boss asked, "What kind of monkey business are you getting up to? He said, "This monkey was wandering on the streets, not following any of the rules. I'm turning him in.
The boss said, "Oh, my God! You're so dumb! If you catch a monkey, you have to take it to the zoo. Why bring it to me. Take it to the zoo! So the policeman took the monkey out.
Three or four days later, he was seen again, holding the monkey's hand.
He took the monkey to the police car, opened the door, put it in, and was about to drive away. The boss saw this, ran out, and asked, "Oh, my God! How come the monkey is still here? I told you to take it to the zoo.
The policemanreplied, "Yes, sir. I've already taken him to the zoo. Today, I'm taking him to see a movie."
有一位警察大哥带了只猴子给他上司看，他上司就说他：“你搞什么猴子把戏?”警察大哥说：“这猴子在大街上到处乱跑，什么法律都不懂，我把它捉了回来，治它的罪。”
上司说：“天啊，你怎么那么笨?捉到猴子就把它带到动物园去嘛，带给我干嘛?带它到动物园去。”后来那警察大哥就带了猴子出去了。
三、四天后还看见他跟猴子手拉手打开警察车门让猴子坐进去，正准备开车，他上司跑了出来说他：“天啊，为什么到现在还把猴子留在这儿，我不是叫你把它带到动物园去的吗?为什么还在这儿?”
警察大哥：“我有呀!我已经带它去了动物园，今天带它去看电影!
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