5分钟好笑的英语笑话大全
5分钟好笑的英语笑话大全
笑话作为一种特殊的交际策略，它能够帮助人们缓解尴尬的气氛，从而保持和谐的人际关系。小编精心收集了5分钟好笑的英语笑话，供大家欣赏学习!
5分钟好笑的英语笑话篇1
Forest Gump Goes to Heaven
The day finally arrived: Forest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.
He is met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter himself. The gates are closed, however, and Forest approaches the gatekeeper.
Saint Peter says, "Well, Forest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you." "I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The tests are fairly short, but you need to pass before you can get into Heaven."
Forest responds, "It shore is good to be here Saint Peter. I was looking forward to this." "Nobody ever told me about any entrance exams. Shore hope the test ain't too hard; life was a big enough test as it was."
Saint Peter goes on, "Yes, I know Forest." "But, the test I have for you is only three questions. Here is the first: What
days of the week begin with the letter 'T'?" "Second, how many seconds are there in a year?" "Third, what is God's first
name?"
Forest goes away to think the questions over. He returns the next day and goes up to Saint Peter to try to answer the exam questions.
Saint Peter waves him up and asks, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers."
Forest says, "Well, the first one, -how many days of the week begin with the letter 'T'?" "Shucks, that one's easy; that'd be Today and Tomorrow!" The saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forest! That's not what I was thinking, but... you do have a point though, and I guess I didn'tspecify, so I give you credit for that answer."
"How about the next one" says Saint Peter, "how many seconds in a year?"
"Now that one's harder," says Forest. "But, I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve."
Astounded, Saint Peter says, "Twelve!" "Twelve!" "Forest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"
Forest says, "Shucks, there gotta be twelve: January second, February second, March second..." "Hold it," interrupts Saint
Peter. "I see where you're going with it." "And I guess I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind." "I'll
give you credit for that one too."
"Let's go on with the next and final question," says Saint Peter, "Can you tell me God's first name?"
Forest says, "Well shore, I know God's first name." "Everbody probly knows it." "It's Howard."
"Howard?" asks Saint Peter. "What makes you think it's 'Howard'?"
Forest answers, "It's in the prayer."
"The prayer?" asks Saint Peter, "Which prayer?"
"The Lord's Prayer," responds Forest: "Our Father, Howard be thy name..."
5分钟好笑的英语笑话篇2
What is This Going to Cost Me
It seems God noticed Adam was despondent. So the Lord God said, "Adam, come over here and sit down!". And Adam did so.
"Adam," spoke the Creator, "I see your countenance is fallen and you seem to feel rotten and lonely." Adam said nothing in
response. "So," continued the Lord, "I am going to create an alternate person who will be with you!" Adam just looked puzzled but interested. "This person," said the Lord, "will take all the raw and tasteless food that you are currently ruining and will prepare wonderful, spicy, and tasty dishes."
Adam looked grateful. "This person, "said the Lord, "will be beautiful to behold andgraceful and interesting to watch as she walks." Adam looked thoughtful. "This person, "emphasized the Lord,"will be able to satisfy all those dreams that you currently are having!" Adam really looked believed. "And, lastly," said the Lord, "She will obey your every whim and desire and order with cheerfulness." Adam was really impressed and finally spoke.
"O.K., Lord, but what is this going to cost me?" "An arm and a leg," said the Almighty.
"Well," Adam then said, "What can I get for a rib?"
5分钟好笑的英语笑话篇3
Nun Going to Chicago
This nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight and she looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune. So she thought to herself I'll give it a try just to see what it tells me.
So she went over to the machine and she put her nickel in and card came out and it said, You're a nun you weigh 128lbs and you're going to Chicago Illinois. So she sat back down and thought about it, she thought to herself it probably tells everyone the same thing, I'm going try it again.
So she went over to the machine again and put her nickel in it, a card came out and said, you're a nun, you weigh 128lbs., you're going to Chicago Ill. and you're going to play a fiddle. She said to herself I know that's wrong I have never played a musical instrument a day in my life. She sat back down and this cowboy came over and set his fiddle case down. She picked up the fiddle and just started playing beautiful music. She looked back at the machine and said this isincredible I've got to try it again.
So she went back to the machine put her nickel in another card came out and it said, you're a nun, you weigh 128lbs., you're going to Chicago Ill. and you're going to break wind. She thinks I know it's wrong now I've never broke wind in public a day in my life, well she tripped and fell off the scales and FARTED like a bay mule. So she sat back down and looked at the machine once again. She said to herself this is truly unbelievable, I've got to try it again.
She went back to the machine, put her nickel in and a card came out and said, you're a nun, you weigh 128lbs., you're going to Chicago Ill. and you're going to have sex. She said ah-hah that does it. I know for sure its wrong now, I'm a nun, ain't ever had none, and ain't ever gonna get none. Well a huge electrical storm came through and the electricity went off and she gotraped... She sat back down and thought about it for few minutes and then said this is truly, truly, incredible. But one thing is for certain, I've got to try it again just to see what is gonna happen to me before I leave this airport.
She went over to the machine put her nickel in and a card came out and it said. You're a nun, you weigh 128lbs., you have fiddled, farted, and fucked around and missed your flight to Chicago!
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